What is the House O' Fez?
A place of mystery and wonder, where odd creatures roam the halls wearing odd hats or sometimes, not.
A house dedicated to exploring the wonders of Fezitude in all it's incarnations. A haven for dedicated
headgear scholars to come together in an atmosphere of as serious contemplation as the subject allows. Which
is admittedly not much. A less kind or perceptive outsider might dub it a house where three bachelors live.
In the beginning...
There was Blaine Porter. Blaine owned a townhouse in
a city in Fairfax County, VA. Being a diplomat he was often living
abroad and so he rented out his townhouse. It fell to his son Marcus to manage the property. In 1990 the
current tenants moved out just about the time Marcus and his fiancée Michelle were looking for a place to live.
Figuring that it would be much easier to deal with himself and his friends as renters then some strangers and figuring that
dealing with himself as landlord instead of some other less understanding guy would be less stressful,
Marcus decided to be the new tenet. Marcus,
Michelle and Jenny Gunderman
moved in and the place became Coca-cola Junction. Both Jenny and Michelle had
becoup Coca-cola merchandise such as signs, coolers, lamps, etc. and the front hallway was dominated by a large
antique (5 cents a bottle) coke machine. Aware of the importance of having a name for your house and since Paul had
already taken "Fabulous Bachelor Bungalow" at another location, Coca-cola Junction was an obvious choice. A model train
ran around the floor to make the name authentic. The house was a neat and tidy place then due to the preponderance of
X chromosomes. While not as wacky as it is today, it had a certain amount of class. And the trio threw elaborate theme
parties, usually around Christmas. The triumph was the "castaways Christmas" party in which the house was transformed
into Gilligan's island.
The balance Shifts
Alas, Jenny left Coca-cola junction after about a year and Jack Reda moved in. While still officially "Coca-cola Junction"
much of the coke paraphernalia had left with Jenny and it wasn't quite the same place. A few months before Jenny left
Marcus and Michelle got married and the place was in reality just "The Porters and a friend"'s home. Jack's arrival did little
to change this so during this period, while a fine time for Marcus, was a low point for the house itself, as it lacked a
strong sense of identity.
The going gets weird
After about another year, several things happened in quick succession. A snake moved in. Two dogs and 8 cats moved in.
Donna moved in.
Jack moved out to live with his girlfriend vowing never again to live with anyone he wasn't sleeping with.
Michelle realized that marriage was not
for her and she and Donna both moved out. Both dogs and 6 cats went with them. At this point, the place simply became
"Marcus's mediocre bachelor pad".
Then it gets weirder
Marcus wandered around the house naked enjoying the freedom to do so for several months until finally succumbing to crass
monetary considerations and agreeing to let Matt move in after only 5 months of his (Matt's) begging. Shortly thereafter Jack expressed an
interest in moving back in. Marcus told him that was a fine idea as long as he understood that despite Jack's earlier
pronouncements, he would not be sleeping with him. Jack, perhaps regretting his earlier rash statement, had no problem with
this condition. Under Jack's creative powers (no longer at odds with Michelle's not inconsiderable talents) the place was
transformed into ArPoRe entertainment, a studio for filming his epic RedaMedia productions. Each was filmed at a party
which turned out to be a wonderful way to entertain. As neither Jack nor Marcus drink, the details of filming a movie
using their drunk friends as cast gave them something interesting to do while other people were enjoying different aspects
of the party. At the end of the evening, the raw unedited film was shown and since everyone was in it, everyone loved it.
As an added bonus, the showing of the film provided an obvious cap to the evening, so most of the guests would leave
afterwards, allowing the hosts to go to bed whenever they felt like it. Films that came out of RedaMedia in it's ArPoRe
entertainment studio included:
- Return Of the Soap Scum
- Originally meant to be a soap opera, it was changed at the last moment to be a "Where's Waldo
in movieland" epic.
- Tim Burton's New Nightmare
- Tim Burton discovers that BeatleJuice and other villains from his films have come to life and are
stalking him. In order to survive he has to make a new movie starring ALL the characters from his previous films. Thus we
are treated to the spectacle of a drunk Beetlejuice debating good and evil with Batman while Jack Skellington and Edward
Scissor hands watch from the sidelines.
- Laser Squad
- A Japanese import, the laser squad fights the evil Ozilla who is out to crush mankind and incidentally destroy the
ozone layer in the process. They finally defeat the monster by joining together to form the "might endorphin power laser dude".
- A Quinton Carol
- Quinton Tarentino is visited by three ghosts when he vows to make only nonviolent movies from then on. The
ghosts of movies past present and future convince him not to ignore his destiny. The final clincher is when the ghost of movies
to come show him his future as the director of "Barney: The movie"
- Christmas Carol and the First Noel
- Filmed at the same time as "a Quinton Carol" (there were two cameras at that party) this is the
film that Quinton is trying to make while being pestered by the ghosts. An angel (First Noel played by Noel) is forced to grant her
quota of Christmas wishes while stranded at a party by her absent partner, Christmas Carol (played by Carol). In the end she catches
carol in bed with Santa and transmogrifies the chicken soup she was delivering into a gun and shoots them both.
- Magic Boy
- A sober marine playing a character too odd to be described by this chronicler. Watch this space for the Magic boy link,
- Numerous Shorts stuff
- Whenever the guys were sitting around doing nothing, out would come the camera and Jack would film
another goofy commercial.
Now it's as weird as it's ever going to get!
After another year Jack felt the wanderlust and moved approximately a half mile away. This left the spot that Paul had been waiting for all
these years. Paul moved in and brought with him Fezzes for all. The rest is history.
Hey, this looks kind of like the Bungaloids history!
Ah, yup, we liked the history section from the Fabulous Bungalow
so much we decided to flatter it in the most sincere way possible.
That was remarkably unremarkable.
Fortunately, that is all there is for now, so you can just return to the House O' Fez!