Wow, if I had hats like that I would be cool to!
Goofy hats are a wonderful thing. They say to the world, "Hey, I'm so cool, I don't mind
looking like a goofus!" They provide a handy mate filter. Anyone who would say, "ugh, I
would never procreate with someone who would put an article of clothing on their head
that isn't in keeping with the currently defined bounds of fashion" is probably not a suitable
genetic partner for a cool, intelligent, wild and wacky kind of person. Here at the house of fez,
we own several of them and our collection is growing with every yard sale we pass.
Here are some of the current highlights, though by no means is this a complete inventory:
That's not all of them, but it's all that we are at liberty to discuss right now, so you probably need to
return to the house o' fez now
- The king of all goofy hats.
No hat is more cool yet simultaneously goofy than a fez. I brought several
back from Egypt so each of the FezO'noids have one.
- Jester's cap
- Floppy, yet formless. This deep purple hat of mine has cool bells hanging down so people hearing
their merry jingle won't mistake the tendrils of the hat for
Cthulhu's tentacles. It's not likely that would happen
anyway, but the addition of the bells provides an extra measure of insurance.
- Matt's brother and honorary FezO'noid
John Arnold brought back this huge pink sombrero with gold trim from
a trip to Mexico and gave it to Marcus. Now he can blend in with the locals if he ever goes down south
of the border.
- Fur cap
- Marcus paid 10 cents for a small fur coat planning to cut it up to make cat toys. In the sleeve he found
a bonus... A fur cap! It's patch worked fur, just like the coat (which the cats liked just fine).
- Snug red hat
- The original goofy hat, Marcus found this in his basement when he was 14. Presumably it belonged
to his father, but his dad won't own up to it, so Marcus kept it.
It's unique features include:
By changing the various features of this hat, it can achieve over a dozen distinct goofy looks!
- Small felt ear flaps that wouldn't cover anyone's ears unless they had a head the size of a pea
- A black quilted interior
- A rim that folds down
- Palookaville hat
- Whilst surfing around looking for any other goofy hat pages Marcus found a
place to order
Palookaville Hats! Terribly excited, he fired off $40 for two of them. They soon arrived in mail and now
allow their wearers to experience the cool gal-attracting magnetism shared by Bazooka Joe and Jughead
from the Archie comics. We at the House O' Fez are so proud to own these!
- Big Head
- While not strictly a hat, the steering wheel cover that Marcus' mom recently gave him had an inflatable
life saver that fit inside and transformed it into a HUGE baseball cap. Stylish and extra safe in the event
of a flood!
- Yellow floppy hat
- The second goofy hat and thus the first to start the trend, this yellow floppy hat was found
in a bin at Appalation Outfitters for only a buck. Marcus and his dad both bought one, to the mortification
of the women they were with and proudly wore them out of the store. Obviously the two embarrassed
women they were with was what kept them from attracting hoards of cuties in their matching bright yellow
floppy hats. Marcus later wore his rafting down the Zambezi river below Victoria falls in Zimbobway. Everyone predicted
that it would be washed away, but Marcus constructed a strap to hold it in place with the complimentary
dental floss provided by the hotel and it stayed on, though it got a little floppier by the end of the day. At his
wedding rehearsal dinner, Marcus' dad got up wearing his yellow hat and gave a little speech about
Marcus being a free spirit, as exemplified by his willingness to wear such a hat. Apparently he didn't
attribute it to his fashion sense.
- Railroad cap
- Marcus worked a few summers on the Alaskan Railroad and recently bought an engineer's
cap to send back to his friend Jim. He was unable to part with it however.
- Paintball mask
- While not technically a hat, it's hard to deny that someone in a paintball mask looks goofy
and it does cover part of the head, so Marcus' paintball mask is included in the list
- Inaugural Cap
- Marcus owns a baseball cap that fits on this list. While baseball caps are inherently goofy,
they are too popular to normally be considered for inclusion. However, the cap is different in that part of
the brim folds up to reveal a 3-D diorama of Bill, Hillary and Al Gore. One of the benefits of living in the
DC area is the chance to find treasures like that. Unfortunately, transforming this cap into the extra
goofy configuration makes it very uncomfortable to wear, unless you have a perfectly flat forehead.