Wow, if I had hats like that I would be cool to!

Goofy hats are a wonderful thing. They say to the world, "Hey, I'm so cool, I don't mind looking like a goofus!" They provide a handy mate filter. Anyone who would say, "ugh, I would never procreate with someone who would put an article of clothing on their head that isn't in keeping with the currently defined bounds of fashion" is probably not a suitable genetic partner for a cool, intelligent, wild and wacky kind of person. Here at the house of fez, we own several of them and our collection is growing with every yard sale we pass. Here are some of the current highlights, though by no means is this a complete inventory:

Fez

The king of all goofy hats. No hat is more cool yet simultaneously goofy than a fez. I brought several back from Egypt so each of the FezO'noids have one.

Jester's cap

Floppy, yet formless. This deep purple hat of mine has cool bells hanging down so people hearing their merry jingle won't mistake the tendrils of the hat for Cthulhu's tentacles. It's not likely that would happen anyway, but the addition of the bells provides an extra measure of insurance.

Sombrero

Matt's brother and honorary FezO'noid John Arnold brought back this huge pink sombrero with gold trim from a trip to Mexico and gave it to Marcus. Now he can blend in with the locals if he ever goes down south of the border.

Fur cap

Marcus paid 10 cents for a small fur coat planning to cut it up to make cat toys. In the sleeve he found a bonus... A fur cap! It's patch worked fur, just like the coat (which the cats liked just fine).

Snug red hat

The original goofy hat, Marcus found this in his basement when he was 14. Presumably it belonged to his father, but his dad won't own up to it, so Marcus kept it.
It's unique features include:

1. Small felt ear flaps that wouldn't cover anyone's ears unless they had a head the size of a pea
2. A black quilted interior
3. A rim that folds down

By changing the various features of this hat, it can achieve over a dozen distinct goofy looks!

Palookaville hat

Whilst surfing around looking for any other goofy hat pages Marcus found a place to order Palookaville Hats! Terribly excited, he fired off $40 for two of them. They soon arrived in mail and now allow their wearers to experience the cool gal-attracting magnetism shared by Bazooka Joe and Jughead from the Archie comics. We at the House O' Fez are so proud to own these!

Big Head

While not strictly a hat, the steering wheel cover that Marcus' mom recently gave him had an inflatable life saver that fit inside and transformed it into a HUGE baseball cap. Stylish and extra safe in the event of a flood!

Yellow floppy hat

The second goofy hat and thus the first to start the trend, this yellow floppy hat was found in a bin at Appalation Outfitters for only a buck. Marcus and his dad both bought one, to the mortification of the women they were with and proudly wore them out of the store. Obviously the two embarrassed women they were with was what kept them from attracting hoards of cuties in their matching bright yellow floppy hats. Marcus later wore his rafting down the Zambezi river below Victoria falls in Zimbobway. Everyone predicted that it would be washed away, but Marcus constructed a strap to hold it in place with the complimentary dental floss provided by the hotel and it stayed on, though it got a little floppier by the end of the day. At his wedding rehearsal dinner, Marcus' dad got up wearing his yellow hat and gave a little speech about Marcus being a free spirit, as exemplified by his willingness to wear such a hat. Apparently he didn't attribute it to his fashion sense.

Railroad cap

Marcus worked a few summers on the Alaskan Railroad and recently bought an engineer's cap to send back to his friend Jim. He was unable to part with it however.

Paintball mask

While not technically a hat, it's hard to deny that someone in a paintball mask looks goofy and it does cover part of the head, so Marcus' paintball mask is included in the list

Inaugural Cap

Marcus owns a baseball cap that fits on this list. While baseball caps are inherently goofy, they are too popular to normally be considered for inclusion. However, the cap is different in that part of the brim folds up to reveal a 3-D diorama of Bill, Hillary and Al Gore. One of the benefits of living in the DC area is the chance to find treasures like that. Unfortunately, transforming this cap into the extra goofy configuration makes it very uncomfortable to wear, unless you have a perfectly flat forehead.